Interesting things I have heard

Johnny: "Don't make pogs. Pogs suck."
Jim and Tommy were contemplating making Unix and military pogs.
Two pogs did endup being made. pogs.ps

Jim: "Dammit! This towel sucks! Ohhh... its full of wax."

Accordion: n. A portable, air operated, room divider.

Musician theory of relativity: E = F flat

Tommy: "repeat after me: INCREMENT!!!!!!!!"
attempting to write a nroff script to print labels

Jim: "And it made a ripping noise just like your shirt..."
describing a 2 inch laceration on his foot. [cringe!]

Jon walks into the room with a mysterious part "Did this fall off of anything important?"
Jim: "Uh, that's off a tank."
Jon: "So nothing really."
tank==M1A1. Jim is in the army

Jim: "I have an interesting theory about God, but I'll tell you about that later."

John Peter: "Someone at the big table must die."
You'd think grad students/EPA employees would finally get to the big table at Thanksgiving...

"Now here's how far we've gotten: we have a 34 here, now what we need you to do is..."
Win Heagy on the 5014 term project

"If the minimum wasn't good enough, it wouldn't be the minimum."
Rod Henderson on the 5014 term project

Win: "I don't know... it doesn't look to bad this time"
Tommy: "Then you aren't looking close enough."
A discussion of 5024 homework.

Karen: "What we need to do is statisticly say we can say nothing statisticly."
5014 term project, the adventure continues.

Fred: "Are you fudging the data?"
Barney: "Yes. I am fudging the data very well."
Names withheld to protect the guilty.

Sandy Birch:"Something Due?"
(just after entering a lab packed with the entire population of 5014)

Keman(a computer):"Panic: are we having fun yet?"
This is one of the more interesting messages NetBSD produces...

Time: 1996 starts here

"Lost it... Page Fault!"
Dr. Ribbens in CS5944, his overhead fell off the projector

"Hello... many of you know me from..."
"Hell!"
No context, to protect the guilty.

"I'm sorry... did you say 'cow'?" -Neill
"Yes." Dr. Lee
"Could you elaborate on that?" -Neill

"Thats a problem I'm glad I don't have. I mean financial problems suck, but spontaneous human combustion kicks its ass." -Jim

The correct spellings of the characters on "AAAHH! Real Monsters":
Ickis
Krumm
Oblina

"Its amazing, like a big sucking sound into the field."
Dr ??? on the massive expansion of the wireless communications industry.

"It looks like... Woah..." -Dr. Heath
"Hey, Dr. Seuss!" -Neill
"A Scottish egg!" -Joe
Comments on the following diagram during CS5114.

"What I wrote is correct. What I said is nonsense." Dr. Heath
[later...]
"Why do I keep saying Z?" D-Dr. Heath
"Careful, we'll all get our Z's." - Neill
"OHHHH" (groan of agony) -rest of the class
More exerts from CS5114

"How do you get a dinner with people like that?" -Scott
"Well I hate to tell you, but you pay $2500" -Dr. J.A.N. Lee
"Whoh... I'm going to McDolands!" -Scott
On Dr. Lee having dinner with Niklous Wirt and Hoare.

"What language is always call by name?" -Dr. J.A.N. Lee
"Miranda!" -Scott
"You have the right to remain silent. [anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to ...]" -Joe
CS5314: No, not that Miranda.

"I thought you were doing that on purpose, until I saw the look on your face."-Ken
Said to Trapp, while he was attempting to remove his motorcycle from a ditch.

"The first is a cross, as Dr. Lee puts it. As we all know, its plus." -Paul
(This makes more sense if you're in Programming Languages (CS5314))

"It doesn't look like a seminar room..." -Priya
"Yea, too many people." -Win
The CS and Environmental Engineering seminars had merged this week.

"The amount of interest is inverse to the quality of the doodle."-Joe
It was a pretty good doodle...

"Its another one of those delusions the mathmatitians have foisted upon us." -Dr Nance.
Discussing the continuousness of time

"You understand it perfectly now right?" -Dr Nance
"BDBDBDBDBDBDB..." -Joe

"BUZZZZZZZ" -the overhead projector
"We will make a fine adjustment. [THUD]" -Dr. Nance
"zzzzz" -the overhead

"I'm don't know which is a greater motivator for graduate students: extra credit or a free meal." -Dr. Nance

"The pitter patter of little knapsacks." Neill
Neill subdividing the knapsack problem, CS5114.

"This looks like..." -Dr. Heath
"Something we have seen before..." -Joe
"Cook's Theorem." -Dr. Heath
"WHAT?" -Neill
"Like math..."-Joe
"It is NOT Cook's Theorem!" -Neill
Dr. Heath heroicly attempts to get us to dynamic program after the Operating Systems final blew all our brains.

"Can we define some steps as Magic?" -Marcus
...
"Is there an advantage to doing it early?" -Marcus
"Yes, you get a week to wonder if it is wrong or right."- Dr. Heath
Marcus on CS 5114 homework.

"Panic is the natural state of grad students." -unknown
"No. Panic is the natural state of undergrads. You should be immune to it by now." -Dr. Lee
"How about Paranoia?" -unknown
"OK. Thats better." -Dr. Lee

"I'll take not for 5." -Neill
"And a wise choice it is." -Paul
Prolog programming. not turned out later to be a bad thing(tm).

"Who said funnelweb?" -Class
I think a lynching was imminent.

"Its probably on the beta copy of my new improved homepage." -Tom
"So its Tommy 96?" -Joe
"NO." -Tom
Discussion about this quotes page.

"Is there any point in keeping Joe in this class?" -Dr. Heath
"I'm trying! I'm really trying!" -Joe

"Ask a stupid question... see it on the exam..." -Joe

"I have learned on these trips: Don't Ask." -Dr. Lee on eating in other countries.

"There are programmers out here with no style. I meant to say there out there not out here." -Scott on the state of programming at Virginia Tech

"Does that mean we are going to be crying when this is over?" -Neill
"Not if you hold your nose and keep your mouth shut." -Dr. Lee
"Just do it underwater."-Joe
An onion metaphor was invoked in Programming Languages.

"I guess its to be expected that when you're in Virginia the overhead will smoke." - Dr. Sam Midkiff
The overhead in CS5994 was getting ready to burst into flames.

"Long long ago, in a university far far away..." -Joe
When everyone took those prerequisite classes.

"This is our son John. John, these are graduate students." -Terry Arthur
Our introduction at the Ethnic Dinner on 4-13-96. (I've probably mis-remembered names, sorry about that.)

"Good morning... ??? has introduced us to the world of garbage." Sherel?
"And you thought you were going to be computer scientists." -Dr. Lee
"Sanitation engineers!" -Joe
...
"Universities have that problem" -Neill
"I've been waiting for that comment" -Dr. Lee (tenured)
During a presentation on garbage collection, and the problem of tenured garbage, in Programming Languages.

"Its based on Ignorance." -Dr. Heath
"We can handle Ignorance..." -Joe, Macrus
On the Knuth-Morris-Pratt algorithm to recognize strings, in Algorithms.

"I'm getting these terrible flashbacks..." -Neill
This seems to be a common problem from exposure to higher mathematics.

"Are there any other O.S.'s besides Unix?"-Joe
No, there aren't. Those who fail to understand unix are doomed to reinvent it, Poorly. (This is also a quote, but I don't know who said it.)

"Least-laxity is another. Its not an Exlax algorithm." -Dr. Nance
Real-time scheduling algorithms, in Operating Systems.

"...homogeneity of the system." -Dr. Nance
"I don't know what that means. Something to do with milk." -Scott
Distributed systems, in Operating Systems.

"Would you use the porch metaphor, or the foyer metaphor?"-Neill
"They are on the porch."-Dr. Nance
"OK."-Neill
Where processes wait before being initiated in a receiver-initiated distributed scheduling algorithm. (Operating Systems)

"Concurrency is when parts of it get in each other's way."-Joe
From Programming Languages.

"My P75 could never run that!"-Denise
"Its a 486."-Tom
A Windows-95 user sees her first Unix box.

"Its the door stop book for Algorithms"-Neill
Neill on CLR (about 3 pounds of misery).

"I spent all last night working on a ghostbusters problem, which I never did solve."-Neill
(At this point everyone in the room from 5114 nods in sympathy)

"Good homework problem... oh, I don't have anymore homeworks!"-Dr. Heath
"Aaaawwwwww"-Class, in "sympathy"

"You wouldn't want to be singular."-Dr. Heath
"I've tried it, its real hell."-Neill
From 5114, discussing matrices.

"You can imagine the divide and conquer algorithm. You just...no, I'll let you imagine it."-Dr. Heath
From 5114 (you can see I do these things in batches).

"I am clairvoyant, but I'm not that good on tuesdays"-Dr. Nance
"When is your peak?"-Joe
"On fridays of exam week."-Dr. Nance From 5204

"I call it the "dead grandmother" principle"-Neill
"I wouldn't, but I want to hear why."-Joe
On giving the benefit of the dout on marginal grades, 5314

"IO, IO,
Its off to disk I go
With a little luck,
We'll get a flush,
IO, IO IO IO."-the blackboard in 5314
Neill is the most popular culprit

"Its good to be the editor." -Tom Me, on writing this page.

Time: Summer 1996 starts here

"This is good bread - Tom and ???
"Glad you like it. You don't want to know whats in it." Dr. Abrams' wife
"...Now I do." -???
At the June Ethnic Dinner.

"Isn't that groovy?" - Neill on full binary trees used in heaps
...
"That analysis is funky." - Markus on big O analysis of heap sort
...
"Groovy, Funky?" - Seals
Fun at the Quals study group.

"You need the frame pointer too." -Markus
"Ok, what does the frame pointer point to?" -Neill
"The frame!" -Markus, Tom
Neill was explaining activation records.

"Thats because its easier to go fffffffff...." -Markus
Markus explaining why C grows its stack from the largest address (0xFFFFFF...) down.

"This time don't go ballistic on us." -Markus
"I am unarmed!" -Neill
"But you have chalk." -Martha ???

"Oh God..." -Everyone
This is the most common comment on the qualifiers I am aware of.

"Its a small net after all..." -Joe
Some smileys he drew two years ago came back to haunt him.

"Would you like any of the screams of agony?" -Jim
Jim's FreeBSD box was panicing (and I was attempting to debug via phone).

"Weird is Weird." -John
John was describing a truely bizzare vehicle (a harley motorcyle in front, VM beetle in back, tricycle-like beast).

"It would raise our electric bill" -John
"Dramaticly..."-Tom
"But it is asparigus.""John
Fun with hydrophonicly grown asparigus in the basement.

"Well, I don't know... I've put all my math behind me... You know, anything to do with Heath." - Anonymous (by request)

"What is this pin off of?"-Tom
"I think it holds the brake linkage on a tank."-Jim
"Is there a tank somewhere which is missing this?"-Tom
Discussing Jim's key fob.

"Soon the spagettii will be complete!"-Jim
"Then we will rule the universe!"-Jon
"And not even the Power Rangers can stop me from serving dinner!"-Jim
Cooking, just after watching the Power Rangers movie.
Trademarks, etc, disregarded.

"...not only are you paid, but your tuition is waived, and you get a TA parking sticker (second only to F/S parking stickers. :-)."-Tom
"Aaaahh, excellent. With the power of this sticker we shall conquer the entire dimension!"-Jim
Discussing GTA's at VT. Power Rangers poisioning is not a pretty thing...

"Its that obnoxous bridge."-Tom
"BaaalllllooooooooP!" -Tom,Jim
This would make perfect sense if you saw the bridge.